(Babylon Bee) - In a rare display of full bipartisan support, President Donald Trump's "No Tax On Tips" bill passed through the Senate unanimously after legislators received clarification that bribes can count as tips.
Speculation swirled that the bill could potentially face opposition in the Senate from Democrats looking to stonewall a key Trump campaign pledge, but senators enthusiastically jumped on board after finding out that all of the bribes, kickbacks, slush fund contributions, and lobbyist donations would be categorized as tips and, therefore, tax-exempt.
"We are thrilled to support this measure," said Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer. "It's rare for us to line up unanimously behind a piece of legislation, but once we found out that bribes can count as tips, we saw no other option than to full-throatedly champion this bill and see it through to the finish line. Thanks to this new rule, a majority of our income as politicians will now be tax-free."
GOP senators were surprised to be joined by all of their Democrat colleagues. "It just shows how passionate we all are about not paying taxes on our bribes," said South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham. "It's not often that a piece of legislation comes along that gets all 100 of us excited to vote ‘yes,' but this is one way to do it. No tax on bribes… er, I mean, tips, baby!"
At publishing time, word had spread on Capitol Hill that similarly unanimous support was growing to legalize Trump's mass deportations of illegals after lawmakers learned that getting rid of the bodies of dead mistresses could count as deportations.
Meanwhile, the US accepted a gift from Qatar of a $400 million luxury jet to serve as a backup Air Force One. But Qatar isn’t the only one giving us stuff:
(Babylon Bee) - The White House held a star-studded ceremony today to commemorate a historic occasion, as President Donald Trump accepted a generous gift of an Imperial-Class Star Destroyer from Emperor Palpatine.
Despite reservations voiced by some members of his administration, the president was eager to accept the gift, citing how much the U.S.'s relationship with the Galactic Empire has improved since he took office in January.
"It's a big, beautiful ship. Tremendous guy, that Palpatine, very smart," Trump told reporters as the imposing Star Destroyer came in for its landing. "You never saw the Emperor giving one of these beauties to Joe Biden, did you? We're making tremendous progress with the Empire, we really are. This ship will be the biggest any president has ever had, by a lot. I hear it's got a great set of ventral cannons, and if China doesn't want to play ball, they'll find out all about it."
At publishing time, relations between the Trump administration and the Galactic Empire had reportedly soured after the president announced the implementation of 140% tariffs on all spice imports from Kessel.
As for spending cuts, well, the Doge frenzy now seems a bit overdone:
And a new genre was just born, as AI figured out how to make talking babies:
The sets keep changing but the play remains the same.
just delicious John