(Babylon Bee) - Following the public outcry about the state's Department of Environmental Conservation raiding a local man's home and euthanizing his pet squirrel who had hundreds of thousands of social media followers, New York authorities announced Peanut the squirrel had died of COVID-19.
Officials revealed Peanut's cause of death in an effort to calm the backlash that resulted from what many people have labeled a blatant example of government overreach and misaligned priorities.
"We're saddened to announce that COVID-19 has claimed yet another victim," Governor Kathy Hochul told reporters. "An autopsy conducted yesterday revealed Peanut's caretakers had evidently failed to administer the latest vaccine booster, making it all but a guarantee that Peanut would die from COVID, as all living creatures do."
A source within the DEC corroborated the report and placed the blame squarely on the shoulders of Donald Trump's MAGA supporters. "It's a shame to see such needless loss of life," the insider said. "If Peanut had been taking the proper precautions — staying up-to-date on boosters, wearing his tiny mask, practicing social distancing from other squirrels — this would not have happened. Unfortunately, he was apparently a fan of Donald Trump and all the wild conspiracies that come along with that. Even squirrels are risking their lives when they choose to deny science."
Now back to our usual diet of corruption, currency debasement, and nuclear armageddon…
I've never seen Joe Rogan. Never even listened to him until just now but what he just said. Makes you think!!
That and the meme of the Statue of Liberty, head in her hands weeping. I'm not American but this picture should be on the first page of Every newspaper tomorrow morning. Those responsible for the insanity should have this picture tattooed on their forehead. Well done John 👍
Thanks John. I love the memes
I've never seen Joe Rogan. Never even listened to him until just now but what he just said. Makes you think!!
That and the meme of the Statue of Liberty, head in her hands weeping. I'm not American but this picture should be on the first page of Every newspaper tomorrow morning. Those responsible for the insanity should have this picture tattooed on their forehead. Well done John 👍